I've recently dug up an old issue from a classic comic series - and wept.

The series is J. Michael Straczynski's "Rising Stars". This 27 issue maxi-series details the life of 113 "Specials", men and women granted superhuman powers by an accident of conception. The series, spanning 20 years, is told through the eyes of the last surviving Special, Johnny Simon.

Throughout the series, the raw strength and emotion of the 113 Specials coping with powers they did not ask for is brought home to the readers. In issue 2, the sad tale of Peter Dawson, the Man That Could Not Be Hurt, was told. Peter's power was a constantly-on, invulnerable force field. It, however, did not make him stronger, smarter or more powerful. It also cut him off from the outside world. He could not touch and could not feel because of his power. The only sensation he could experience was taste - so he ate a lot. And grew obese. And couldn't take full advantage of his invulnerability because he failed the physicals of every job where invulerability would be an asset. He spent his final days as a petrol station attendant, lonely and cut off from the world - and murdered through the one thing that could kill him, suffocation.

The metaphor of being "cut off" from the world because of a gift you have is not lost on me. Indeed, the theme of being set apart because of your gifts are repeated throughout the series. One of the story arcs involve a Special taking over Chicago and cutting it off external access by severing power and phone lines. Yet another speaks of a boy with the power of flight, but is too afraid to float more than a few meters from the floor. He eventually flew so high that he disappeared from sight, eager to escape the other Specials who tormented him relentlessly. Chandra, a Special with the power to look like the most beautiful woman in the world to anyone who sees her, is utterly lonely because she feels she's not really beautiful and is living a lie.

Yet another theme was that of squandered potential. Throughout the story arc, John Simon speaks of how much difference the 113 Specials could have made to the world. Throughout the first and second story arc, the tale of how low-rung Specials, those without spectacular powers get murdered for their life force, because the high-rung Specials would be able to benefit from their life force better. It was further commented by John Simon that Peter Dawson could have spent his life as the ultimate ground scout - a person that would be able to explore every inch of the surface of the world, for the greater betterment of mankind, if only he realised it sooner.

On the flip side of the coin, Rising Stars also speaks of the sacrifice required to fulfil potential. Indeed, by the end of the 2nd story arc, the surviving Specials implement a 20 year plan to change the world. One creates an earthquake between Israel and Arab lands to raise arable soil to the surface, and dies in the process. Another confiscates the world's nuclear arsenal, only to succumb to radiation poisoning.

Why would a story like this make me weep? Because I relate to the Specials, as I know everyone in my situation must. The recent turmoil in the lives of those close to me has turned my attention inwards, and forced me to ask myself a number of painful questions. Foremost on them is this: what good are my gifts?

It's no secret that I consider myself "set apart" from most of my brethren. It's in part of my own choosing, but it's also the difficulty I have of making myself understood. How many people, for example, know what it's like to feel so much that your first instinct is to cut others off before you hurt yourself? Or how many share my fascination with symbology, patterns and thought constructs? I come back to the same answer all the time - my "113 Specials".

I've had a hard time acknowledging my gifts, but I often wonder if I've made the best use of the gifts and time that has been given to me. Often my conclusion is that I've squandered these gifts and that my time is up. Left without "power", but still cut off from those without "gifts", I wonder if it is my fate to die "cut off" like Peter Dawson, yet completely impotent to change the world.

Yet, reading Rising Stars, I've finally made the realisation that the responsibility is to use your own gifts for the betterment of all, but this must always be coupled with humilty and courage. Humilty, for the recognition that what you do may never be enough, but courage, for recognition that you MUST try anyway and be happy knowing you've done all you can.

May your stars shine bright.